By Jordan Mann
Every five years I head over to a local hospital for the “joy and pleasure” of a colonoscopy. I recently finished my fourth colonoscopy and thought I would share the experience. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends everyone begin getting colonoscopies at the age of fifty and continue the practice every ten years. My mother died from colon cancer, so my siblings and I began having our colons checked at forty and have the procedure done every five years.
The Joy
The only joy in this procedure is waking up and having the doctor say “everything is fine, see you in five years.”
The Suffering
The worst part of the procedure starts 24 hours before going to the hospital, the dreaded cleansing process. The patient cannot eat anything for 24 hours and has to take a cleansing drug. The drug, taken with copious amounts of water, completely washes out the colon. This may not sound that bad but I’m a thin guy with a very high metabolism, 24 hours without any solid food is a nightmare. Fortunately, while talking with my doctor before my first experience she told me that beer counts as a clear liquid, acceptable to be consumed during the fast. Beer has a lot of calories and helps one forget how miserable the fast and cleanse really is.
Amnesia
After the 24 hour fast and cleanse I go to the hospital where they administer a twilight anesthetic. They say this does not actually put the patient under but it does cause amnesia. I never remember a thing and I’m pretty sure I’m out cold because it takes a while to wake up in recovery. The amnesia part is important, if I remembered what happened, I would probably never go back.
The Procedure
What actually happens is the doctor inserts a three foot tube/instrument into the patient’s anus. The instrument has a color camera that projects onto a large screen, tools that can cut and collect samples and an air hose that is used to fill the colon with air causing it to expand to allow easy navigation. The doctor searches the walls of the colon looking for anything unusual. If something is found it can be removed and analyzed in a lab.
Recovery
After the anesthesia is administered the next thing I remember is waking up in recovery. It is a special recovery room for patients that have all undergone colonoscopies. Imagine this scene for a moment. I’m in a recovery room separated by curtains from half a dozen other patients. We have all just been pumped full of what seems like a couple hundred cubic feet of gas. Can you guess what’s happening? It sounds like a room full of drunken tuba players.
This year upon my release my doctor gave me four full color pictures of the inside of my colon. I’m going to put them on my Christmas cards.
Seriously
On a serious note, this is a very important procedure. Colon cancer kills 50,000 people each year in the U.S. If you have loved ones over fifty who are not having their colons checked send them to the this web site by the American Society for Gastrointestinal Endoscopy. If everyone followed the CDC’s recommendations a lot of lives could be saved.
